First off let me tell you that all of the things that went wrong for me last night were mainly due to the scabby fans in stinking Viewpark. As soon as I drove my expensive 4×4 into that rats warren I caught some kind of lurgee and I had been battling it all night. A cold virus strong enough to kill a lion took hold in my body. So now you all know that, you will understand that none of what went wrong was my fault.

First off I had to wrestle against Lewis (the guy who was working the sound desk). In truth I didn’t have to, but since I am such a giving and loving ruler I decided that the fans should have a treat. Even though I was suffering from the kind of affliction that a lot of people in Glasgow would spend a life time signing for Disability Living Allowance for, claiming it was a life altering condition. Through no fault of my own Mark Anthony, my tag partner for the evening, lost that match. It wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right. The fans didn’t like it and they booed and booed at his loss. It reflected badly on me and the fans don’t like that.

To make matters worse, that clumsy novice Lewis almost blinded me with his dangerous offence. My face is worth money, the last thing I need is for some youngster to shatter my orbital bone with I high cross body from the top rope.

Fortunately I am amazingly tough and I was not permanently disfigured. The less said about the tag debacle the better. But Joe Coffey had better fly under my radar for some time, lest he feel my wrath and find himself mopping my jockstrap after every show for the rest of his career.

The main even with Scott Renwick fighting Liam Thompson for the Scottish Heavyweight Championship was a total bust. Despite my best efforts to call the match right down the middle and be as professional as I always am, Scott felt it necessary to continually challenge my authority (which he should respect) and try to bully an NWA official (me). In the end, despite a hard fought match by an amazing Liam, Scotty snuck an undeserved win and retained his championship. The lumberjacks fought and squabbled amongst themselves, Scotty celebrated, some old has been came out and rambled on, Liam cried and the crowd were appalled that yet again Canyon was cheated out of full control of the SWA.

The SWA rolls on, new days will come an new opportunities will arise. If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.

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