First off let me tell you that all of the things that went wrong for me last night were mainly due to the scabby fans in stinking Viewpark. As soon as I drove my expensive 4×4 into that rats warren I caught some kind of lurgee and I had been battling it all night. A cold virus strong enough to kill a lion took hold in my body. So now you all know that, you will understand that none of what went wrong was my fault.

First off I had to wrestle against Lewis (the guy who was working the sound desk). In truth I didn’t have to, but since I am such a giving and loving ruler I decided that the fans should have a treat. Even though I was suffering from the kind of affliction that a lot of people in Glasgow would spend a life time signing for Disability Living Allowance for, claiming it was a life altering condition. Through no fault of my own Mark Anthony, my tag partner for the evening, lost that match. It wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right. The fans didn’t like it and they booed and booed at his loss. It reflected badly on me and the fans don’t like that.

To make matters worse, that clumsy novice Lewis almost blinded me with his dangerous offence. My face is worth money, the last thing I need is for some youngster to shatter my orbital bone with I high cross body from the top rope.

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Good afternoon followers. The wait that you have had to endure for my next online ‘blog’ is at an end. Breathe a sigh of relief over your cup of full fat fizzy pop and micro chips and read on.

The next big event in your lives will be the August 28th show that SWA is putting on in Uddingston. Let me remind you that this is a big night, not just for you, but for me too. Liam Thompson will be getting a shot at the NWA Scottish Heavyweight title. A shot that he earned at the Battlezone event when he won a hard fought tag match against Renwick and O’Connor. That’s all I need to get control of SWA. All Liam has to do is pin Scotty for 3 seconds and the company is effectively mine! Think about that for a second. Total power. It’s amazing.

This, clearly, will be a very important day for me, a day in which I can afford for nothing to go wrong. To absolutely guarantee the championship going to Liam I have personally paid for the best training for him in the weeks leading up to the 28th of August. This very minute, he is out jogging the streets with two personal trainers and a motivational speaker. He believes he can win. He knows he can win. I know he can win and I know I will be ruler of the SWA when I wake up on the morning of the 29th.

All this training doesn’t come cheap, tomorrow he has two hours booked with a sports psychologist, one hour with a common wealth games swimming coach to help him power thought the water and increase strength in his shoulders and three hours in a demolition yard breaking rocks! The man is a machine. This is all on top of his regular gym work. The inimitable Charles Boddington hasn’t been left out either. He too is training hard. I have paid for him to go to some top level management classes happening between now and the 28th. These include seminars hosted by the former chairman of IBM, Louis V. Gerstner Jr, and a dinner with two former Euro M.P.s on how to get the most from people. I have even sent him to an illegal Chinese sweat shop to see if he can pick up any motivational techniques.

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Join me in reveling in my post Battle Zone victory. My plan has nearly come together!

As I eloquently explained in my last article (I believe that the young people that read the internet call it a ‘blog’), I need control of the NWA Scottish Heavyweight Championship in order to do what ever I want in the SWA. The rules of the NWA state that in the event of a 50 / 50 ownership split and disagreement, then the controlling vote goes to the party who controls the highest ranking title. Thus, if I can get control of the title somehow I no longer have to run anything past Peter Murphy and everything is my decision.

Last night I took my biggest step yet to achieving my goal. Not only did a wrestler in my payroll become the next man to have a title shot against the Butcher in the awesome Liam Thompson, but I myself won the Battle Zone!

It looked so much like plucky star Andy Anderson had won the big match but sadly his lack of an ability to count to 30 cost him his big moment in the biggest show in the UK. After fighting from the very start of the match, entering as number one, right through to the very end, he was thrown out of the ring by entrant number thirty, me. I didn’t even have to get my suit dirty. The near capacity crowd where electrified and at the same time agog to learn that I had entered myself into the match and also been lucky enough to draw number 30 as my number.

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Humans, be aware that the words you are reading have been written by the almighty wrestling genius – Eric Canyon. The man who won battle zone events, won SWA’s first ever cage match and a two time Scottish Heavyweight champion. I am currently co owner of Scottish Wrestling Alliance and an idol for all wrestling fans to look up to. With that in mind, let me tell you Canyon fans, the plans I have for Scottish Wrestling Alliance.

The man you know as PJ Murphy, but I remember not so fondly as Conscience (forever the thorn in my side), shares 50% ownership of SWA with me. Thus, neither one of us has total power over the company. In the NWA statute it states that ‘in the event of a disagreement between controlling powers, then the body with control of the senior championship belt has the final say’. Currently, Scott ‘The Butcher’ Renwick holds that belt.

He and I have never really seen eye to eye, especially these days. This is because he holds himself in such high regard, slapping peoples hands and expecting them to cheer for him every time he wrestles. It disgusts me. It is the kind of cheap, attention grabbing, adulation seeking obsequiousness that really riles me. Needless to say that I cannot count him as one of the people under my sway. That’s why I have hired the ‘Manager of Champions’ Charles Boddington to work for me. A man like me doesn’t have to do all the grunting. I pay others to do that. With Boddington working for me, I have nothing other than confidence that the NWA Scottish Heavyweight Championship will soon be under my command.

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